Do Cats Hold Grudges?
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Cats are known for their quirks and unpredictable behaviors. Sometimes, it might even seem like they’re holding a grudge—like when they give you the cold shoulder after a vet visit or seem upset when you return from vacation.
But do cats hold grudges, or is something else at play? Understanding a cat’s behavior can be confusing, and in many ways, seeing the world from their perspective is even harder.
“I doubt you’ll find anyone who says cats are the easiest species to understand, but I’ve never met a cat that wasn’t worth the effort,” says Maggie Placer, DVM, veterinary science program manager at EveryCat Health Foundation.
With that, Placer takes us inside the feline mind to explore whether cats truly hold grudges—or if their behavior is driven by something entirely different.
Key Takeaways
- Cats do not hold grudges like humans do.
- If you think your cat is mad at you, they’re likely just overstimulated.
What Is a Grudge?
A grudge is a deep, persistent emotion tied to a perceived wrongdoing, says Joey Lusvardi, CCBC, a mental health physician assistant and founder of Class Act Cats, a Minneapolis-based feline behavior consultancy.
“Grudges involve a variety of different unpleasant emotions: hurt, anger, resentment, jealousy,” he explains. Humans often hold grudges as a way to protect themselves from future pain or disappointment.
Do Cats Hold Grudges?
In short, no—cats don’t hold grudges the way humans do.
Lusvardi explains that cats don’t have a sense of morality. In other words, concepts like right and wrong don’t shape their behavior. Dr. Placer agrees, adding, “Cats go off fact, not interpretation.”
So before you attribute your cat’s behavior to ill intent, it’s important to recognize that it may actually be a natural and species-appropriate response. “They are processing a change in their routine and territory—one that they definitely didn’t sign off on,” Dr. Placer says.
What Do Cats Remember?
There’s no longer a question of how long cats hold grudges—because they don’t hold them at all. Still, Dr. Placer says not to underestimate what cats remember.
A cat’s long-term memory is often triggered by smell, taste, and sounds. Dr. Placer says it’s thought that cats can recognize their littermates by scent for up to two years. And there have been plenty of stories of cats finding their way home after months or even years away.
Cats remember negative experiences, too. Those adopted from bad situations may struggle to trust again—not out of resentment, but due to survival instincts.
Dr. Placer says the 3-3-3 rule (three days of stress, three weeks to adjust, and three months to feel at home) is a common adoption guideline. But for cats with difficult pasts, building trust can take longer.
Is My Cat Mad at Me?
Anger is a short-lived emotion while a grudge lingers, but Lusvardi says neither applies to cats.
However, cats can become overstimulated, which can look a lot like anger because they might suddenly lash out or hide. This could be triggered by:
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Too much petting
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Too much grooming
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Loud noises
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Strong scents
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Other animals
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A trip to the vet
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Moving
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Intense play
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Catnip or silvervine
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A new family member
Cats don’t dwell on resentment, and they’re certainly not waiting for an apology. Instead, their behavior often stems from stress, fear, or anxiety. The key to helping them isn’t making amends—it’s creating a sense of security and breaking any negative associations they’ve formed with you or other objects, sounds, smells, or events, Lusvardi says.
Creating a Sense of Security
“Think inside their box,” Dr. Placer says. Cats need safe places to retreat. This could be as simple as a cardboard box, but ideally in a quiet spot away from other pets. Cats should also have access to key environmental resources to feel secure, including:
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Water
If you have multiple cats, each one should have their own set of resources.
Breaking Negative Associations
When it comes to breaking negative associations, Dr. Placer says desensitization through positive reinforcement is key. So, for example, if your cat is triggered by the sight or even sound of their carrier, gradually reintroduce it alongside positive experiences, such as treats and petting.
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Don’t be too hard on yourself if you’ve done something to startle your cat, like accidentally stepping on their tail or startling them by tripping over their food dish—it happens to the most loving of pet parents.
If this does happen, “give your cat space to calm down after assessing their condition,” Dr. Placer says. They might not want attention right away, but with a little time, a few treats, and eventually some extra cuddles, they’ll feel secure again.
