How To Bond With Your Cat

You’ve brought a cat into your life, and now you’re ready to grow that special pet-human relationship. But the way to a cat’s heart isn’t always intuitive. These sweet animals often need time, space, and understanding to build trust and affection. And depending on the cat, you may need to put extra care into how you go about getting to know each other.

“Cats are really social and friendly and will come to you, but a lot of cats actually require relationship building,” says Jennifer Van de Kieft, a certified advanced feline training professional in New York City. 

If you ignore your new cat, they’ll likely ignore you in return. But learning how to bond with your cat and taking the steps to do so can help you create a strong, meaningful connection that will enrich your life. Here are expert-recommended tips for bonding with your cat. 

1. Meet Their Basic Needs

Most cats need to feel comfortable and safe before they’ll be receptive to friendship and connection.

Set your cat up for success with food, fresh water, a clean litter box, and plenty of warm places to rest. Spread out your cat’s food, water, and litter box in low-traffic, private areas that cannot be blocked by other pets. “Relationship-building comes second,” Van de Kieft says.

If your cat is not approaching you, think about what they might need to feel comfortable. Make sure they know where their food is and where they can go to be alone.

Cats love to eat, and feeding your cat four or five closely measured meals per day, rather than leaving food out all the time, can help them develop a positive association with you.

2. Give Them Their Own Space

It may sound counterintuitive, but one important step to help your cat build trust is by leaving them alone to adjust.

“Most cats need a little time to just decompress [after coming to a new home],” Van de Kieft says. “It's almost best to just give them some space for the first couple days.” 

Cats are sensitive to their environments and need a chance to acclimate to their new home. It usually takes around two weeks to see a cat’s true, relaxed personality, Van de Kieft says. 

Help your cat feel safe and comfortable by designating spaces just for them. This might be a cat bed, a cat cave, or a cozy, folded blanket on a chair. Notice which areas they’re spending time in already and find ways to add comfort and security. 

3. Let Them Come to You

As eager as you may be to cuddle your new cat, it’s best to allow them to initiate interaction with you when they are ready. Unexpected or uninvited handling can be scary—especially if the cat has experienced trauma or is nervous around strangers.

“I think it's good to be present and see if maybe they want to approach you,” Van de Kieft says.

Make yourself available by offering your hand and see if the cat approaches. A soft head butt or nudge is a sign they’re interested in interacting.

Even after your cat feels at home with you, it’s important to give them their independence, says Joey Lusvardi, certified cat behavior consultant and owner of Class Act Cats in Minneapolis. If your cat is giving you signals that they want you to back off (like tail thrashing, biting, or leaning away), don’t force the interaction. Respecting their space will strengthen their trust in you and protect your bond.

4. Play Every Day

“Spending time playing with your cats on a regular basis can really improve your bond,” says Lusvardi, who recommends pet parents choose interactive activities. The more you play with your cat, the more they’ll associate fun and excitement with you and look forward to time together.

Aim for a few short play sessions each day, choosing toys that mimic the hunting experience, like cat teasers and wand toys. Rotate the toys frequently so your cat doesn’t become bored.

5. Groom Your Cat

Cats often demonstrate their affection toward one another through grooming, and sometimes grooming can be a way to bond with your cat as a pet parent, too. But Lusvardi says you shouldn’t force grooming if your cat doesn't enjoy it—unless you have a longhaired cat that needs regular brushing to avoid matting and tangles.

“It should be a pleasant experience for both you and your cat,” Lusvardi says.

Keep your brushing sessions with your cat short and sweet, and stop before your cat shows signs that they’re not interested anymore.

6. Try Clicker Training

Clicker training uses a small clicker device to associate sound with a desired behavior, followed by a reward (usually a treat). The practice creates a form of associative language between cat and pet parent, giving you a way to communicate commands while rewarding good or brave behaviors.

Van de Kieft says the intensive one-on-one time spent through this form of training can help strengthen the bond between cat and pet parent, and Lusvardi agrees.

“You learn to communicate with them in a very positive, fun way,” Lusvardi says. “[It] really can help build your bond with them.”

7. Decrease Stress and Anxiety

Cats that have endured stress or trauma may need extra help feeling safe and settled in a new environment. To help troubled cats relax and feel open to friendship, consider different ideas to help your cat feel calmer and more confident.

Van de Kieft loves to play David Teie’s Music for Cats—songs written in collaboration with animal scientists specifically for cats.

“It's scientifically proven to reduce stress for cats,” Van de Kieft says. “It's like magic, this stuff.”

Along with calming music, you can use a plug-in cat pheromone like Feliway®, add a calming probiotic (Purina® Pro Plan® Calming Care) to their food, or give your cat a calming supplement (VetriScience® Composure™ or Nutramax® Solliquin®) to help reduce stress and anxiety.

Give your cat mental enrichment by offering objects they can scratch and supervised outdoor time on a leash and harness or inside a catio.

8. Keep a Schedule

Ultimately, you can’t have a strong relationship without trust. And predictability will help your cat feel comfortable around you.

“Cats are really schedule- and routine-oriented,” Van de Kieft says. “You want to do the same things at the same time each day. That can really help to acclimate cats.”

Create a routine wherever possible for your cat’s daily schedule, whether with feed time, playtime, or time outside. The more they know when to expect what, the more confident and relaxed they’ll feel at home—which provides more incentive for them to seek closeness with their human family members.